you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
