i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
