You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
