Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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