**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
