her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
