One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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