The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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