Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
