Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
