Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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