Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize