There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
