All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
