My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
