Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
