By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
