You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
