non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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