what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
