He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
