My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
