He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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