it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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