You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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