ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
