wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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