chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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