I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
