3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
