Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
