Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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