At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
