i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
