Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
