Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize