Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
