Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
