some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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