My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i need to put some appletini on your dick
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
