Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
