I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
His nipple licking is glorious
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