apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize