The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
