I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
