Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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