I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
