my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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