if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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