i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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