apparently the secret to your success is patron
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
