if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize