I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
