so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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