she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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