so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
