We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
