Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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