just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
