when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
