I'm lost and stupid without you.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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