She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
