I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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