you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
