i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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