yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
