does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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