is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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