marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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