absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
