Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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