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• (416): View more from Ontario

  girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.

  (406): View more from Montana

  And we all know God doesn't like sinners.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Amen.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon

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• (707): View more from California

  He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.

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